The other side of marriage

By Henrylito D. Tacio

 

Marriage is one of the greatest institutions created by God in the Garden of Eden.  The first marriage was initiated by God between Adam and Eve.  “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

 

But despite its being sacred, marriage has not been spared by people from poking fun on it.  The great Leonardo Da Vinci, for instance, said, “Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” 

 

G.K. Chesterton has a similar view: “Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.”  After all, “marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”  If we have to believe what British playwright George Bernard Shaw said.

 

If “I am” is the shortest sentence in the English language, then what is the longest sentence then?  “I do,” said George Carlin.  Marriage is not a word – it is a sentence. 

 

Women have so many ideas about men and getting married.  Here’s one from Jean Kerr: “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house.”

 

A man’s reply: “Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.”

 

Humorist Helen Rowland shares, “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”

 

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness?  Yes, you’re right.  It means you’re in the wrong house.  Film actor George Burns said this in one of his hit movies.

 

Here’s a one-liner from Milton Berle.  Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, “You’re only interested in one thing,” and you can’t remember what it is.

 

Marriage is like television.  Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.  Don’t get mad at me, okay?  Remember what Helen Rowland said? “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”

 

“A man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him,” Oscar Wilde pointed out.  That was what Kathy Lette also thinks of.  “Why can’t women tell jokes?” she asked.  “Because we marry them!”


Hollywood sex goddess Zsa Zsa Gabor seemed to agree, “ A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”  Max Kauffmann, however, never heard that statement.  “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,” he said. “And by then it was too late.”

 

Socrates learned his lessons well: “By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”  Now, you know why he became a philosopher?

 

The husband is usually at losing end when it comes to marriage.  Film actor Woody Allen states, “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” Joey Adams thundered, “Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” A husband’s last words should always be, “Okay, buy it!”

 

Each person has different view about his or her mate.  “Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do,” said Bettina Arndt in Private Lives. 

 

Even a beauty like Marilyn Monroe can’t get hold of her man.  “Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him,” she commented.  “After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”  No wonder, she married several times and went to bed with several men.

 

There are some formulas for a happy marriage.  S.T. Coleridge contends, “The happiest marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.”  That is why Rodney Dangerfield has said this: “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”

 

To either husband or wife, Benjamin Franklin suggests, “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.”  Anne Taylor Fleming believes that “a long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.”

 

Henry Youngman is often asked about the secret of their long marriage.  His reply: “We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”  Another one from Youngman: “I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”

 

Love and marriage are two different things.  Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock,” someone quipped.  Marriage also changes passion — suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.  On second thought, marriage – according to Alan King – is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.   

 

Estelle Getty has this view: “If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.”

 

For comments, write me at henrytacio@gmail.com

 

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