This funny thing called marriage

By Henrylito D. Tacio

 

 

 

Marriage, someone once said, is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.  A Polish proverb states: The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.

 

This story proves: A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

 

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before.  For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

 

The mourner took a closer look at the person asking and then said, “My wife’s first husband.” 

Well, marriage is a sacred thing.  It is one of the first institutions that God created between man and woman.  But some people – particularly the male species – can’t help making fun of it.

 

It has been a decade since the two friends met.  So, they went to a bar and tried to share what had happened after they parted ways.  They found out that both of them are now married.  The first one said, “My wife’s an angel!”  The second guy, feeling sad, commented, “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

 

This brings us to another anecdote.  A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin.  The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled, “It really works!”

 

Even famous men have something to say about the subject.  I was married by a judge,” said Hollywood comedian George Burns.  “I should have asked for a jury.” Socrates advised, “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

 

Women know what they want when it comes to marriage.  Zsa Zsa Gabor, who married several times, said, “A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.”

Beverley Nichols seemed to agree: “Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters are written in prose.”

 

“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success,” said Jim Backus.  This statement comes to mind after reading this story.  Don was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.  When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

 

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.  “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but, in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.”

 

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

 

Ever wonder why married men gain weight while bachelors don’t?  Well, single men go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed.  Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.  That’s the difference.

 

It was their silver anniversary.  The husband asked his wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”  The husband thought twice and said, “How about the kitchen?”

 

Now, let’s hear some conversations between a father and his son.  The little boy asked, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married ?”  The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

 

On another occasion, the son inquired, “Is this true what I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her ?”  The father answered even without putting the newspaper he was reading, “That happens in every country, son.”

 

At one time, the wife asked her husband to go to the video store and get Scent of a Woman.  Her husband came back with A Fish Called Wanda.  Of course, you know what happened next.   After the quarrel, the wife told her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

 

Married for more a decade, a man disclosed to a friend, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”  No wonder, Oscar Wilde said these words: “Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.”

Is there such a thing as a marriage made in heaven?  Well, there was one: When Adam and Eve were married by God.  Theirs was an ideal marriage.  Adam didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married.  And Eve didn’t have to hear about how well his mother cooked.

 

To end, allow me to quote the words of Irish playwright Brendan Behan, “I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding.  You can’t be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn’t happened.  But weddings always make me cry.”

 

For comments, write me at henrytacio@gmail.com

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2 responses to “This funny thing called marriage

  1. Wow! I like the jokes and the clarity of your thoughts. I just visited your blogs. . . Thanks. But, speaking of marriage over here, i feel sad though you did not end up recognizing a good marriage that may have brought you up well. . . or a good story of how the world continually moves because of millions of couples who believe and hope that marriage is always an opportunity of blessings. . .

  2. millions of couples believe that marriage is always an opportunity of blessings” idk about that perhaps another full time job without a 401k

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